Adoption: The Other Side

25 Feb 2013 @ Little Yellow Room

“”Adoption can be, and usually is, a beautiful gift to a child.””

WRONG! Being ABANDONED by YOUR OWN mom is anything but “beautiful”. What it actually is is truama-inducing, leading the kid to grow up with a whole world of problems caused by being ABANDONED by THEIR OWN mom. It leads to a life-time of inability to trust because the one person who’s meant to be there for us instead ABANDONED us. Further, we are then told that we should be grateful for this ABANDONMENT, and not only that it is for the best, but also that it is because she loved us so much. The disparity between the emotions ABANDONMENT creates within a growing child and what we are told we should be experiencing creates a multitude of torturous personality conflicts that renders the growing ABANDONEE liable to fall into all kinds of damaging behaviours – whether that be absolute subservience in an effort to never again find ourselves at risk of ABANDONMENT (usually termed the good adoptee), or as absolute hellbats seemingly bent on obliterating the entire planet with our painful wrath (usually termed the bad adoptee).

“”It can provide a child with a more secure, privileged, stable and beneficial upbringing.””

1. Being ABANDONED creates massive INsecurity, which is the complete converse to the “secure” bullshit you have been fed by the adoption INDUSTRY (with all its vested interests in separating you and your child for their own financial gain).
2. Babies don’t want privilege, they want they are designed by nature to need – THEIR OWN mom!
3. Stability comes with security, which as we’ve already seen in 1. is lost by the simple fact that ABANDONMENT over-turns the steady boat of life and casts the ABANDONEE down into cold, murky, dark, turbid waters in which it has to fight for its very survival.
4. Knowing that you were not even good enough for YOUR OWN mom to fight to raise equates to the fact that you know you will NEVER be good enough for anything else nor anyone else. This recent post by Deanna explains the problems within this issue magnificently:

“”It can allow birth parents and siblings a chance to get things settled, to make a path for a brighter future for themselves.””

Abandoners aside (you’ll know the Hel of losing your own child soon enough), kept siblings – especially those that have seen their younger siblings GIVEN AWAY – spend the rest of their childhood living in terror that if they’re not good enough, or all of a sudden you’re not rich enough, or for any other reason that may flit through a child’s fanciful head, then they too are likely to be GIVEN AWAY. This doesn’t, as you suggest, give them a brighter future, but instead inflicts upon them a fearful, unstable, insecure future, as they wonder when they will be next on the list to be GIVEN AWAY.

“”It can help build a family for a couple who may or may not be biologically able to do so themselves.””

Alternatively, this oh-so wonderful family could be built instead by aiding a child that is deemed unadoptable by virtue of their time spent (usually) bouncing around the care system. If these oh-so wonderful people truly wanted to help a child rather than just helping themselves, then they would do this (at minimal cost), rather than paying many thousands in order to procure FOR THEMSELVES a freshly-squeezed wombwet that needs nothing more than ITS OWN mom. If these people TRULY cared about any child they were taking on, rather than simply being in it in order to satisfy their own selfish desires, they would rightfully baulk at even the suggestion of separating a newborn from ITS OWN mom, recognising the horrific and traumatic nightmare that this would inflict upon the developing child. Nancy Verrier’s book, The Primal Wound explains this issue in great detail.

“”It can be a blessing, and it all depends on a woman relinquishing her rights to her child.””

As we have already seen, far from being a blessing, a child that experiences ABANDONMENT by ITS OWN mom views the world from a terrified, fearful place, in which there can never be found any safety, because ITS OWN SELF has already been severed.